Episode 118: Our Biggest Sex Secrets Revealed

We keep a lot of things about our lives secret–but especially sexual things. People may hide their sexual thoughts, behaviors, and even feelings. And, sometimes, these secrets interfere with our pursuit of sexual and relationship happiness. So why do we hide so much about our sex lives in the first place? And if you want to let your partner in on a sexual secret, what do you need to know? Today’s episode is a deep dive into sexual and relationship secrets. Michael Slepian returns to the show to help us lift the curtain. Michael is an Associate Professor of Leadership and Ethics at Columbia University and author of the book The Secret Life of Secrets: How Our Inner Worlds Shape Well-Being, Relationships, and Who We Are. He previously appeared on Episode 117 to talk about the broader psychology of secrets, so be sure to check that out if you haven’t already. Some of the topics we discuss include: Why our secrets focus disproportionately on sex. The most common things we hide about our sex lives. How technology is making it harder to keep sex secrets. Whether we should confess infidelity. The effects of keeping a romantic relationship secret. How to share intimate secrets with a partner. Check it out! To learn more about Michael, check out his website at michaelslepian.com, take the secrets survey at keepingsecrets.org, and check out The Secret Life of Secrets. Thanks to The Handy (thehandy.com) and the Kinsey Institute (kinseyinstitute.org) for sponsoring this episode! The Handy, made by Sweet Tech, is an automatic stroker designed for self-pleasure. Pair it with your sleeve of choice to mimic realistic sensations of different partnered activities with precise speed and stroke control. Visit https://link.thehandy.com/sexandpsych-1 to learn more and use my exclusive discount code (sexandpsych) to get 10% off your order. The Kinsey Institute’s (kinseyinstitute.org) 75th anniversary is underway and you are invited to join in the celebration! Follow @kinseyinstitute on social media to learn more about upcoming events. Also, please consider a gift or donation to the Institute to support sex research and education. Click here to donate. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.