#72 Lead from the Soul: Why Raising Resilient Kids Starts with You, with Cheryl Donaldson

“I have kids in their 20s. They’re not remembering that one mistake that we did. They remember that I was really silly as a mom, and I was really happy as a mom at home, loving on them and really cheering them on. I can’t tell you how many times I didn’t handle something exactly right.” Cheryl Donaldson Bio: Cheryl Donaldson is a licensed marriage and family therapist with three decades of experience working with kids, teens, and families around the world. She has private practices in Charleston, South Carolina and London, and she is widely recognized for her work helping parents raise emotionally intelligent, resilient children. She is also the co-author, with Craig Donaldson, of the book Lead from the Soul. Before building her clinical practice, Cheryl served as director of Young Life in Austria. Today she sits on the boards of the YMCA and of Camp Sea Gull and Camp Seafarer. She speaks internationally on mental health and develops leadership protocols for organizations worldwide, with keynotes for the Oxford Masters Series, Duke Law School, and St. Stephen's in Rome. Her insights have appeared in HuffPost, Scary Mommy, The Post and Courier, and Brainz Magazine. Cheryl is the mother of three grown sons, spanning Gen Z and the millennial generation, which keeps her closely tuned in to what modern parents are up against. Those who know her say she brings a lightness and sense of fun that makes her extraordinary with kids. Cheryl joins the Parenting Well Podcast to talk about raising kids with healthy self-esteem, what parents get wrong with anxious children, why so many parents have become afraid to parent, and the words and boundaries that build resilience and autonomy. In this podcast, we talk about: What Internal Family Systems (IFS) is, and the idea that each of us has a grounded "self" at our center, with qualities like compassion, calm, clarity, confidence, curiosity, and connection How IFS helps struggling teens meet their impulsive or addictive "firefighter" parts with compassion instead of shame, and understand that a behavior is just a part of them, not the whole of them. Her book, Lead from the Soul, and what it means to lead ourselves, our families, and our relationships from a deeper place beneath our psychological conditioning Bringing the soul into therapy by asking clients how they define their own soul, self, or center, and why finding meaning and purpose matters so much What people struggle with most today: Living authentically instead of constantly reacting to what's happening around them Why good parenting starts with the parent's own wellness, and why there are no tips or tricks that replace it Parenting as training through modeling: How we handle our emotions, resolve conflict, and love our partners, friends, and families Being authentic with kids, coming back after we lose it, and letting them see our real struggles, like Cheryl telling her sons how hard it was to move and have no friends The biggest mistake with anxious kids is arranging life so they never feel anxious, and how to engage with anxiety instead of protecting them from it, using the example of a late school pickup Not taking every little mistake so seriously, because kids remember the joy and the cheering on, not the minutiae. The days are long, but the years are short. Resources: Lead from the Soul by Cheryl Donaldson and Craig Donaldson:  Helping Families Flourish  HuffPost UK, on how accommodating a child's anxiety can backfire:  Scary Mommy, signs your marriage is in its "meh" era and how to shake out of it The Post and Courier, Lowcountry Parent, on parent anxiety around the holidays Brainz Magazine, "Building Stability in an Unstable World," an interview with Cheryl Recent podcast appearance